Let’s face it, sometimes we feel guilty about these poor children of divorce. The upheaval of home and dismantling of family. We know why they act out they way they do and we give them a lot of leeway to express the difficulties that living in dual-homes presents. Some of us go above and beyond trying to fill the void in these children. But guess what? That void is not ours to fill – That has to come from within.

So my advice?  Get the F over it.

The untold story is that Step-Parents F@$#ing ROCK.

We have the opportunity to reprogram how these children view relationships.  Show them what loving and supportive relationships look and, more importantly, feel like – Something they will likely want in their own future.  So, in essence, we are doing them a huge favor by being in the family picture.

I saw the flash of shock in her then 10-year old eyes.  I had done all the laundry knowing her father was pressed for time preparing for a business trip.  When he thanked me, I made a lighthearted remark – “That’s how much I love you!”

That look of shock in her eyes told me everything – This was unchartered territory here.  Something she had never witnessed between her own parents.  Perhaps something she didn’t want to see as I playfully slapped his butt as I said it.  But essential for a happy, loving relationship.

This girl is confused – muddled with her mother’s anger towards her father. So when she hears me praising something about her father, it’s met with a touch of distrust… for now…. I’m a firm believer that the truth will eventually set you free. We just have to continue taking the high ground no matter what lies the ex fills her daughter with.

Aside from a loving relationship with her dad, what else do I offer this 12 year old?  Forty plus years of experience and wisdom…  Oh, and the fact that I don’t care what people think and have finally embraced my quirky nature.

I’m teaching her how to become more mindful and connect with nature – “Tend the vines” as she has learned how to slow down and help me weave the vines growing in our back yard. I’ve taught her that at any point in our tough day, we can turn on ABBA’s “Dancing Queen” or Twisted Sister’s “I Wanna Rock” and shake it in the kitchen. She gets “cool Aunt” (coined by my nieces) advice on how to handle the mean girls at school. And my hope is that someday I can help her understand that her happiness is a choice she can make in any given moment – to simply let go and choose to feel good right now.

Yes – She’s lucky to have me in the picture – My tarot cards, crystals, full moon dances, oddities and all… Perhaps at some point I’ll be ready to change my blog name to reflect this… But I still have 6 years of step-teen-hood to contend with… But hey, who’s counting right?

The name stands for now…