When my partner’s 12-year old asked us what “useful information” learned in Jr High and High School has helped us over the course of our lives, our initial response was “nothing…”  Aside from occasionally helping her with her math homework, I can’t think of a single point in my adult life wherein calculus has proven useful.

She’s making an argument (yes, this is pretty much the daily routine) for switching to an online school program.  Argument being that she’ll be able to go at an accelerated pace and graduate early.  All good right?!  Of course, I’m pretty sure it has more to do with simply not wanting to go to school or do homework – an acceptable excuse to stay home and game all day.  Damn COVID has made these kids believe that going to school and doing homework is optional – that they can’t fail or be held back.

Which made me reevaluate her question.  The classes may have come and gone without impacting my life.  But the social skills – core life skills – I learned during those uncomfortable, socially awkward formative years were absolutely instrumental in becoming the person I am today.

Most import of these life skills – Resilience.

I learned how to pick myself back up after falling flat on my face.  I learned how to handle the mean girls (who later become mean co-workers) and how to let things roll off my back by not taking everything personally.  I learned how to push myself past my limitations – to push through my anxiety and fear of public speaking to get a project done or stand in front of a classroom for a presentation.  Basically, I learned how to push myself to become more than I was at age 12.

What’s going to happen to these kids who have never failed and have “anxiety passes” to leave class anytime they feel stressed or uncomfortable?  What happens if this 12-year old checks out of her life physically and emotionally to live virtually?

So I’d like to rephrase my answer.  What did I learn?  Everything essential to growing up to become an independent, successful, and happy adult.

Giving in to this 12-year old’s desire to excuse herself from the growing pains of teen-hood feels like the biggest mistake we could make.  She’s just beginning her self-discovery journey.  Sure, it’s a bumpy ride, but I would rather she learn that she’s stronger than she thinks and can handle this marvelous game called LIFE.

If I could give her just three pieces of advice right now (and if she could actually hear it):

1.  Failure(s – many) is the precursor to success – We will never succeed if we’re too afraid to try… Or too weak to pick ourselves up when we fall flat on our face.  Fail gloriously and often and you will enjoy sweet success.

2.  Pushing past our comfort zones is how we expand and grow – We cannot create and become if we’re restricted by self-imposed limitations.  Drop all the labels and reinvent yourself any way you like… any time you like.

3.  Live your life – Watching other people’s air-brushed, glossy “faux” lives online isn’t living.  Our “now” is precious – step away from the electronics and enjoy a fully present, sensational life.

Of course, I’m looking back on these teenage-angst years from a safe distance… You couldn’t pay me enough to repeat them.