The moment the words came out of her mouth, I couldn’t help but chuckle… She was making an argument for needing new clothes – designer clothes – and was making her big finish by surmising that it’s dad’s “responsibility” as her father to clothe her.

Now normally, I leave the public debate with the 12-year-old up to my partner, but I couldn’t help but take my cue from my mother’s gamebook and quickly responded: “It’s your dad’s responsibility to cover your ass, not design it.”

Damn it, I’ve become my mother.  She warned me that one day this would happen, and I couldn’t help but burst into laughter over the very thought of it.

“It’s not that funny,” the 12-year old wasn’t quite sure what just happened… Was dad going to buy the Lululemon leggings or not?

I grew up with the “B-word” – Budget.  Something this girl has absolutely no concept of.  Material possessions flow in effortlessly and flow out equally without hesitation.  No saving up for something special, taking meticulous care, and appreciating to the fullest.  Just toss it on the pile of other stuff on the floor and chuck it for something new when the mood hits.

While my partner shares my budging values, he feels responsible for fulfilling all his daughter’s needs.  So when she says she needs something like shampoo, my partner automatically thinks “basic needs” and has it ordered on Amazon within seconds… Never considering the $95 price tag.

Enter Peer Pressure…

Then there’s the best friend who explained how things work at her house (their moms are also best friends if that gives you some idea of how incestuous this is).  She then described how she throws out all her clothes twice a year – whether she likes them or not – and her parents buy her a brand new wardrobe…  Sometimes two of everything so she can keep her favorites at both her mom’s and dad’s houses…  Apparently, “It’s just easier that way.”  Oh, and you can forget about doing your own laundry – they have a maid for that.

So when this 12-year old looks at us with disgust and proclaims in her snootiest of tones – “You never buy me anything!” I am truly dumbstruck.  You would think that our lack of fulfilling her every desire was somehow abusive behavior.   My goodness, don’t even get me started with the fact that she considers it easier to buy something new than do laundry or bring some of her clothes back to our house.

Back to mom’s playbook…

My first piece of advice?  No 12-year old “needs” $120 leggings… The $20 Fabletics version will suit her just fine.  Right now, she’s growing like a weed.  Nothing fits long enough to make $120 worth it.

I then suggested giving her a monthly allowance – Then hold her to it!  Here’s my logic:

1.  Teaches her to prioritize – She’s thinking through her overall purchases, how everything works together, and determines what items are most important to her.  Now we’re investing in a wardrobe, not just buying mindlessly.

2.  She does the math – She looks at and tracks the prices, learns how to calculate the 30% discount, and tallies up total costs.  That, alone, is more math than she’s done this past year in school.

3.  Appreciation – At the end of the month when she’s spent her allowance and “needs” something, she just might appreciate dad for giving her extra (rather than simply expecting it) – might.

In essence, she’s learning a bit about the value of money.

It takes effort to instill values in our kids.  We have to stand firm and be good parents in order to raise kids who become smart and savvy adults.  The alternative would still be paying off her credit cards when she’s 40… Yea, the extra effort now is well worth it.

For the record, she decided that grocery store shampoo works just fine and opted for a new skateboard over the Lululemon leggings.  Bravo girl!