We waited nine months and met with his therapist before I met his daughter.  We wanted to make sure “we” were solid before introducing a new woman in her life and wanted to do everything the “correct” way.

I unquestionably took in every word of advice this therapist offered… then literally threw up on my drive to meet my boyfriend for dinner.  It took a solid week of mulling things over in my head, actually trying to justify this “professional’s” viewpoint, to finally come to the conclusion that her opinion was TOTAL S#*$.

Let’s just take her advice on how we should “officially” meet each other…. I was to go to his friend’s house (who I didn’t know) for their weekend pool parties… The hope would be that his daughter would become familiar with me, maybe even like me… We would then need to wait for his 9 year old daughter to decide that it was time for dad to date… This, in turn, would become the perfect opportunity for his daughter to decide who he should date… and, somehow, this would all magically align that she would remember me from the parties and suggest that her father ask me out…

Whew!  If it was exhausting reading that, just imagine the idea of assembling it!  In summation: 1) I was to hang out at a stranger’s house hoping a 9 year old might notice me (forget the fact that she’s there to play with her friends in the pool); and 2) daughter gets to decide not only when dad should date, but whom (am I the only one seeing an issue here?).

But where I truly struggled, was with the therapist’s advice for continually reassuring his daughter with the statement: “You’re my number one girl.”  My knee-jerk reaction was taking it quite personally… for if we’re ranking the situation, then that makes me (and everyone else) less than by comparison.  But once I removed myself and thought it fully through, the BS nature was clear as day – That very statement holds the context that there’s not enough love to go around and positions us as competition for this love.

Love is NOT limited or ranked.  I would rather teach this child that love is unlimited… That there’s more than enough to go around… That she is loved and accepted no matter what… That the very existence of me means that there is an even more abundance of love to be shared in our home.

I’m glad I waited that full week to share my thoughts – for this “professional’s” advice went against everything I believe in and was well worth challenging rather than following under the guise that she knew what was best for us. Trust your instincts Step-Parents and don’t be afraid to stand up to the so-called authority figures on the subject.