Who says that advice has to be complicated to be life changing?

I’m all about little tweaks and ideas that can make a big impact on our day-to-day living with step-teens.  Because, let’s face it, it’s usually the little stuff that drives us the most bat-shit crazy right?  It’s the dull “duh” look on their face when we ask them to clean their bedrooms… The “huuuh” we get anytime they finally look up from their phone and acknowledge the fact that we’ve been talking to them for the last five minutes.

So when the advice offered by highly educated professionals in glossy best-selling books fails me, I’m totally open to down and dirty “street advice” from someone who has been there and done that.  Better yet – Someone who found a little tweak in the daily routine that shifted the frustration accumulated after weeks of dumbstruck “huuuhs”. 

I’m calling this little piece of advice “sage” because of it’s guru-given effectiveness and it compliments the fact that I occasionally burn sage to clear energy in our house (hey, I made NO promise to be normal here).  It was so basic, in fact, that I couldn’t believe such a tiny adjustment could completely dismantle the routine stalemate of the 12 year old pretending she can’t hear me.

She sits at the kitchen counter, so totally engrossed with her anime video (or YouTube friends, take your pick), that she completely ignored my six attempts to ask her if she’s hungry and what could I make for her.  Of course, she can always hear every word of the conversation I’m having with her father in an entirely different part of the house… But that’s a whole other post…

It’s not personal, she does it to her father as well.  But he has more patience than I do.  Me, on the other hand, would stand there to a point where I thought I might crack.  And at just the moment when I was ready to walk away, she’d lift her head lazily and stare blankly at me like she had no idea I was evening standing there… “Huh?”  (Insert fake smile here)… Let me repeat myself…

I used to wonder if these little acts were intentional to drive us crazy.  To clarify – not really – just self-serving in the moment.  But try ignoring their “request” text and you’ll get a slew of follow up “hello?!” texts to get your immediate attention.  So they know it’s rude, they are just too self-absorbed with their phones to care.

What was this sage advice?  Never ask, just state and walk away.

It worked like a charm!  I casually walked through the kitchen making a simple statement – “Hey – There’s pita and hummus in the fridge if you’re hungry.” – I was out of earshot by the time she lifted her head.  But guess what?  She got up and made herself a pita and hummus snack.

I know, I know, a tiny feat in the grand scheme of things.  But the impact it has made on my life personally has been HUGE.  It has completely dismantled this particular pattern and restored a piece of my sanity.  Isn’t that what sage advice is all about?

Perhaps these little tidbits of advice are exactly what we need to change up the energy in our homes and make a positive impact in our lives.  Nothing monumental (but totally open to inspiration when it hits).  Just support on a particularly difficult day or through an experience that pushes us to our limits. A reminder to breathe – step away from the stalemate – and shift our perspective.